ATTACHMENT AND BONDING

We have all been waiting a long time to see and hold our little boy. We’ve had several years to prepare for the changes we will experience, to learn as much as we can, to contemplate what adoption will mean to us as a family, and to anticipate the changes we will experience as our family grows from a family of three to four. We have started to come to know and love Hunter through the photos and updates we have received from our agency. It is hard for us to believe we are still strangers to him! While we are preparing a place for him in our home and hearts, Hunter has not even thought of leaving where he is. He is happy and content in the loving arms of his Nannies and Caretakers. In just a few short weeks, Hunter will be experiencing the loss of everything he has ever known. We anticipate that this will be a very difficult time for our little boy. We ask that you keep Hunter in your prayers. As Hunter's arrival is approaching, we wanted to talk to everyone a bit about bonding and attachment. We are thrilled that everyone is so excited to welcome our new son. That said, we want to make our expectations clear from the start, so that there won’t be any confusion, misunderstandings, or hurt feelings after his arrival. We have talked a lot with our social worker and agency about this transition and have done a lot of reading about ways to make healthy attachments with adopted children. As hard as it is to say, please enjoy him from our arms for a while. Hunter needs to recognize us as mom and dad before he is ready to be passed around. This is a small window of time we have to develop an appropriate bond. He will be a much happier child if we give him time to grieve his losses and then form a forever bond. There is no set length of time for this, but we will be able to tell by his reactions whether or not he is ready to be held by others. We still invite you to say "hi" to him, talk to him and play with him (keeping in mind his reaction of course); but, for a while, we need to be the only ones to feed, diaper, bathe, cuddle Hunter. He will be grieving the loss of his Nannies and Caretakers, this usually lasts for at least a few weeks, but grieving episodes could occur for months after his arrival. Grieving episodes are intensified by over stimulation, so we need to keep his world quiet and small for his first weeks with us. We have been so blessed by this gift. We want to make sure we are doing everything we can for Hunter to feel secure. We know many of you have bonded with him just as we have! So many of you have prayed daily for him and we do not underestimate the bond or love you feel for him. We hope you understand our need for this special time with our little boy. If you have any questions, please call or email. Thank you in advance for understanding!